Bins, Boxes and Baskets

Sometimes manic behaviors and anxiety happen when I have't reached my very unrealistic expectations of myself. I want to clean my house so that every room is spotless and there are "bins, boxes and baskets" with labels for everything. I love containers and labels because they create order. What I need most in my life, besides understanding, is order. I want perfection every moment of every day... but this will never happen.
My youngest son, who is in 7th grade, came home with a project that required him to gather notes on a chosen topic in preparation for a research paper. He was typing the notes on our computer, which was in our  family room near the kitchen. My husband was  cooking dinner while I talked to my son about the ideas he came up with. He excitedly told me his topic was  stress. He shared with me the concept of Type A or B personality. He decided that I was a Type A personality while he was Type B. He read the description of each one and I was excited to find that he was correct. I told my husband Jim about my find and he looked at me with surprise and replied with a smile, "really?". I thought about his reaction and realized there are so many things I don't understand  about myself until someone tells me.  I realize as someone with Bipolar Disorder that I have obssesive-compulsive behaviors. I expect my world to be in containers with labels. I really do mean my entire world. When I think about that it makes me calm.
When my family finds me pulling everything out of a dresser, closet or even an entire room, they don't even ask me what I'm doing... this is a part of my illness that they understand and have learned to deal with.
They know from my pressured speech, talking fast, the containers surrounding me or the fiery look in my eyes. My hands usually shake, my heart races, and my thoughts are usually so confused that I can't stop and have a calm, clear conversation. It would seem that this "racing, cleaning, organizing" would be a great way to clean your house...  but then with the same intensity, when I can't do it all I swing into a manic depression, and worry because my world didn't fit into all of those boxes.


Just a thought: Positive Quotations by Steve Deger


I release my worries and permit myself to rest. I will focus on my breathing and remember that tomorrow will bring its own solutions. *(learning to breathe deeply to relax seems simple but it really helps.)


I need some routine in my life. Not only do I need to meet my own basic needs I also want to include a few reflective activities that lift my spirits and keep me inspired.